you may see a glass as half empty or half full but i see it as somebody better get there A$$ back to work if they want a tip

 

If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting

 

if your best friend is sick as a dog in a porta-poty, drop a big rock down the vent, maybe seeing you smile when he comes out will make him feel better

 

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man

 

If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?

Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters?

If you were a genie and a person asked you this wish, "I wish you would not grant me this wish" what would you do?

 

 

I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.

 

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

 

Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?

 

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex