So, one night Ole was sitting reading the paper when he looked out the window and saw that his barn was on fire. So Ole quick jumped up and called the fire department and said, "Hurry, come quick, my barn's burnin' down!" The fire chief replied, "Ole, slow down. Now how do we get there?"
And Ole said, "Well don't you have that little red truck anymore?"

 

 

Ole has been shot to death. Vell, he vas up near da border with Canada cuttin trees. A forest ranger saw him at a distance and yelled "Vas is your name and whacha been doin"

Ole replied "Ole, bin loggin"

 

 

Ole came home from work early, one day, don cha know, and he found Lena sitting there in their room with no clothes on. "Vat are you doing?" he asked. "I just didn't have anything to wear," she said. Ole went over to the closet, and said "Vat do you mean, you have nothing to wear. Look, you have red dress, green dress, blue dress, Sven, yellow dress...



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Ole, Lars and Sven had been going to the Sons of Norway hall meeting as long as there had been a hall. And every month, wouldn't ya know it, they didn't win a prize in the monthly drawing. That is until the last meeting. Sven was the first one of the three to get his name drawn. He won two pounds of spaghetti sauce, four boxes of noodles, and three pounds of swedish meatballs. Ole had his name drawn next. He got himself round trip tickets to Duluth, a nights stay at the Dew Drop Inn and a pair of tickets to see the Inger triplets Polka Ensemble. Ole thought that he had died and gone to heaven. Lars was the last one to have his name drawn, he won a toilet brush. At the next monthly meeting, they sat down together to check out how they had fared for the past month. Sven said "Uff da, I had dat pasghetti for tree days. It was so good, and Helga didn't have to buy food for them dere tree days." Ole said "Lena was so happy vhen I brought home dem tickets. The trip up to Duluth was nice, we got to ride da Greyhound, and you know, they got a built in outhouse on dat dere bus. And the Inger Triplets, if I didn't know better, I would swear dey were sisters." Then Ole turned to Lars, and asked him how his prize worked out. Lars looks at them both and says "Dat dere toilet brush is nice, but I tink I'll go back to using paper."

 

Ole married an attractive woman, Lena , half his age.

After several months, Lena complained that she had never climaxed during sex; and according to her Grandma, all Norwegian farm women are entitled to a climax once in a while.

So, to resolve the problem, they went to see the
large-animal Vet since there was no trustworthy doctor anywhere in Mower County . The Vet didn't have a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot summer, his Mother and Dad, Olga and Sven, would fan a cow that was having any difficulty birthing a calf to cool her down and make her struggles easier..

So, the Vet told them to hire a strong, virile, young man to wave a towel over them while they were having sex. This, the Vet said, would cause the young wife to climax.

So the couple hired a young man from the big city of Minneapolis named Lars to wave a towel over them as the Vet suggested. After many efforts, still no climax.

They went back to the Vet. The Vet said for Lena to change partners and let Lars have sex with her while Ole waved the towel.

They tried it that night and Lena went into wild, screaming, ear-splitting climaxes, one after the other.

When it was over, Ole smugly looked down at Lars and said, "Ya see, city slicker, now DAT's how ya wave da towel!

 

 

 

Ole's car was hit by a truck in an accident. In court, the trucking
company's lawyer was questioning Ole. 'Didn't you say, sir, at the scene
of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?' asked the lawyer.

Ole responded, 'Vell, I'll tell you vat happened. I had yust loaded my
favorite mule, Bessie, into the...'

'I didn't ask for any details', the lawyer interrupted. 'Just answer the
question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?

Ole said, 'Vell, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving
down the road....'

The lawyer interrupted again and said, 'Judge, I am trying to establish
the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway
Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident
he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to
simply answer the question.'

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Ole's answer and said to
the lawyer, 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule,
Bessie'.

Ole thanked the Judge and proceeded. 'Vell, as I vas saying, I had yust
loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into da trailer and vas driving her down
da highvay ven dis huge semi-truck and trailer ran da stop sign and smacked
truck right in da side. I vas thrown into one ditch and Bessie vas thrown
into da other. I vas hurting, real bad and didn't vant to move. However,
I could hear Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape
yust by her groans'.

'Shortly after da accident da Highway Patrolman he came to da scene. He
could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he vent over to her'.

'After he looked at her and saw her fatal condition he took out his gun
and shot her right 'tween da eyes. Then da Patrolman he came across da road,
gun still in hand, looked at me and said, 'How are you feeling?''

'Now vat the hell vould YOU SAY?!