Sven was buying his first TV. He went into the furniture shop where Ole worked as a salesman. "I vant to buy that nice TV over dere" Sven said.
"Sorry, ve don't sell TV's to Svedes" Ole said.

Sven was flabbergasted but refused to give up so easily. He bought himself a very expensive disguise complete with the outfit, the hairstyle and even learned a new accent. He came back to the furniture shop.

"Hey, man, be cool. I really dig that TV there. How much you want for it, cat?" Sven asked.

Ole didn't pause in his response. "Sorry, ve don't sell TV's to Svedes!"

Sven was flabbergasted and more determined than ever. He went to a neighboring city and bought another disguise and learned another new accent. He came back to the furniture shop. "Howdy, partner, I'd sure like to purr-chess that TV yonder, wa-ja say?" Sven asked.

Ole again immediately responded, "Sorry, ve don't sell TV's to Svedes!"

Sven stepped back, ripped off his mask, and demanded, "Hey, how in de vurld did you know I'm a Svede?"

"Vell, first of all, yong man, dat ees a micro vave offen."

 

 

"Hey Sven, how many Swedes does it take to grease a combine?"
"I don't know, Ole."
"Only two, if you run them through real slow."

 

 

 

So Lena was competing in the Sons of Norway Swim Meet and she came in last place in the hundred-yard breast stroke and she said to the judges, "Oh say, I don't vant to complain, but I tink those other two girls were using der arms"!

"Hello? Funeral home?"
"Yes?"
"It's Ole. My wife Lena died."
"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. We'll send someone right away to pick up the body. Where do you live?"
"At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
"Can you spell that for me?"
"How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up der?"

Sven and Ole are sitting in the boat fishing, and nothing much is biting, and the conversation chances onto the topic of birth control, and so Sven says to Ole, "What do you and Lena do for birth control?"
And Ole says "Oh we use the condom and ice cube method".
And Sven says "I've never heard of that Ole, how's it work?"
And Ole says "Oh, well, when I go to put the condom on, I put a couple of those little ice cubes in first."
And Sven says "Yimminy Ole, isn't that awfully cold?"
And Ole says "Yah sure it is Sven, but it really helps keep the swelling down."

 

Thanks for more!

 

So Ole got a car phone and on his way home on the freeway, he calls up Lena and he says, "Oh, Lena, I'm calling you from the freeway on my new car phone."
And Lena says, "Be careful because on the radio they say that some nut is driving the wrong way on the freeway."

And Ole says, "One nut ---- heck, there are hundreds of them!"

 

 

Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual cup of morning coffee listening to the weather report coming over the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets." Ole got up from his coffee and replies "Jeez, OK."
Two days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of morning coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Ole got up from his coffee and replies, "Jeez, OK."

Three days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and then the power went out and Ole didn't get the rest of the instructions. He says to Lena, "Jeez, what am I going to do now, Lena?" Lena replies, "Aw, Ole, just leave the car in the garage."