If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

 

If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting.

 

I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes I bet you can really see it in those genitals.

 

Wtf?

 

jack handey quotes doc. like this one

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

 

 

If you were a pirate, you know what would be the one thing that would really make you mad? Treasure chests with no handles. How the hell are you supposed to carry it?!

 

ok one more and then we'll lay it to rest.

we wouldnt want to use them up all in one day now would we?


Contrary to popular belief, the most dangerous animal is not the lion or tiger or even the elephant. The most dangerous animal is a shark riding on an elephant, just trampling and eating everything they see.

 

Uh, ok Gotcha....

 

You took the words right out of my mouth! :doh: