The Bomb Shelter Take Cover ! All Off Topic Discussions , Anything And Everything Not Diesel Related Absolutely No Politics or Religion

Begle1 migrates his war on prepositions to long-form writing: Amber

Thread Tools
 
Search this Thread
 
  #1  
Old 07-05-2010 | 10:30 PM
Begle1's Avatar
Thread Starter
|
Diesel Bomber
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 3,910
Likes: 335
From: Capo Beach, CA
Default Begle1 migrates his war on prepositions to long-form writing: Amber

Dawn red shade rooster windvane
Breeze creaks shadows dance
Middle-aged woman refills coffee
Circles her barn again;
Square-jaw overweight blond
Default common foreclosed, cliche.
Illumination silver cirrus lacing purple
Desiccated winter wheat crackling breeze
Barnyard frozen thawing
Bankruptcy failure sunrise;
Chapters close heartbreak
Barn door opens, inside lights flood eyes.
Coated knuckles touch younger face,
Fresh woken, warm blind and bright,
Cold hand brushes sensually;
Smooth jaw, tastefully-jeweled neck.
Older woman backdropped ice cloud halo,
Feminine lovers pull warmth around
Embrace intimate kiss cry
Empty sockets moist flutter
Eyes knifed years hence
Vicious rape's testimony impossible
Masculinity alienated since.

July 4th mushroom clouds
Perpetrators unknown, anniversary today,
Morning's minds recollections echo
Nuclear flashes stunned talking heads' selfishness;
Silence reverberated cameras rolled,
Humanity blind death broke uncertainty.
News ticker's oblivious path undaunted,
"Peter Gay, Raytheon employee,
Still amongst many dead today".
Singular dead man's footnote persistence;
Irrelevant detail immortal eidetic,
Corroborates deaths innumerable
War corpses now spread worldwide.

Inexplicable sudden impersonal memory,
Colossal personal immediacy stumbles.
Blind lover's cheeks separate, tears resolve;
Incomprehensible tragedy, petty death displayed,
Eyeless tears harken symbolic parallel,
Hard emotions delusion catastrophe.
Laura's fingers brush Amber's face dry,
Tenderly seats her, seats herself,
Diesel pick-up, old camper, exits home
Drives Western Pacific sunset dreams
Horizon bleeding parched fallout sky.

Hands held, engine rumble rhythmic
Sun peaks, cityscape shadows lumber gone.
Cloudless blue skies, sudden implosion
Black circles appear horizons global
Resonations ripple apart space, clarity
Ranged sizes fractally arrayed
Closed-eyelid color, phosphene movement.
Traffic halts gulps worldwide
Breathless pause registers moment never forgotten.
Singular mankind inclines eyes, blinks together
Spontaneous synchronized moment imperceptible
Instinct renders special unison unnoticed.
Spectral anomalies sky-borne twitch
Floating black holes thrust rays once,
Superliminal impacts smite heliotropic faces,
Visages upturned blinkingly seamed shut;
Temporary blind, cast down eternities pass unseen.
Eyes open after, visceral self-discovery ensues;
Omniscient gifts shedded away universally,
Synchronization devolves, selfish instincts re-investiture.

Laura chokes profound omission perceived subconsciously
Faces Amber's vacuous eyelids refract opaque contentment
"Alone we never are" Amber responds
Stoic stare softens relenting understands
"Montages inside end here now"

Adventure, discoverance, love, climax
Cutscenes past Western destruction
Scarred women accrue tortures, trials
Cast worn shells briney Pacific
Coast reached, seabirds wheel
Success breeds young again

Life survived peace reached
Epic human turmoil experienced
Love challenged, survived
Vacant eyes blessed
World cursed failure
Ruined boardwalk smolders passionate embrace
Exhausted
Memory screams trivial heard or unseen
"Peter Gay, Raytheon Employee,
Still amongst many dead today".
Inverse momentous appearance, space holes vanish
Alien enlightenment missed, all crumple thoughtless
Still coma, alive yet unliving worldwide
Fall, consciences' missed opportunities implode.
Amber alone stoops over lifeless Laura,
Apocalypse
Understanding smile, dives off pier
Swims against tsunami swells swallowing shores.
 
  #2  
Old 07-05-2010 | 11:59 PM
MP03's Avatar
Diesel Enthusiast
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 135
Likes: 3
From: Temple, Tx
Default Begle1 migrates his war on prepositions to long-form writing: Amber

Mow go turn it into a song
 
  #3  
Old 07-06-2010 | 10:23 AM
K50's Avatar
K50
Diesel Bomber
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,701
Likes: 68
From: Alberta
Default

That's intense man...
You should post more stuff. How often do you write?
 
  #4  
Old 07-06-2010 | 10:58 AM
tiremann9669's Avatar
Diesel Bomber
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 4,233
Likes: 434
From: Dansville NY
Default

Dude you need a hobby
 
  #5  
Old 07-06-2010 | 10:59 AM
DieselCrawler's Avatar
Diesel Bomber
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 2,492
Likes: 167
Default

he has one, screwing with us. and we read it.
 
  #6  
Old 07-06-2010 | 07:18 PM
wisconsin redneck's Avatar
Diesel Wrench
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 909
Likes: 43
From: waukesha,wisconsin
Default

i just read every line of that...and understood none of it...
 
  #7  
Old 07-06-2010 | 08:25 PM
Begle1's Avatar
Thread Starter
|
Diesel Bomber
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 3,910
Likes: 335
From: Capo Beach, CA
Default

There's two lesbians living in the midwest, one older blonde one named Laura and a young one named Amber who got her eyes gouged out by a man that raped her. Amber loses her house and so they drive their classic Diesel truck west. Before they leave they personally reminisce about the nuclear explosions that set into motion the terror, wars, death and economic collapse that led to them to being homeless.

Along the way west black spots appear in the sky; in a moment of collective instinct everybody in the world stares at the holes for several moments and then blink in unison. In the split second of the blink the spots in the sky subtly flicker; nobody on the planet sees it. Amber has an inexplicable understanding of the event despite being blind.

They journey across the forlorn country in a cliched montaged bildungsroman.

Once they reach the ocean, they take a moment to embrace on an abandoned pier when the black dots in the sky suddenly vanish. When this happens, everybody that saw the spots falls into an unthinking coma. Amber, standing over her lover's body, understands what happened and jumps into the ocean as giant swells begin to consume the world's shores.


It is a poetic analysis of the irrelevance of individuals and their memories to history and history's irrelevance to individuals and their memories, using 9/11 as a parallel, vision as a metaphorical conceit and utilizing a unique mad-lib-esque stream-of-conscience writing style to enforce the tone of psychological introspection.
 
The following users liked this post:
K50 (07-07-2010)
  #8  
Old 07-06-2010 | 08:39 PM
TTipsword's Avatar
Diesel Wrench
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 626
Likes: 16
From: Cheyenne Wy
Default

can you make a little shorter summary? still to long for me to read
 
  #9  
Old 07-06-2010 | 09:04 PM
Begle1's Avatar
Thread Starter
|
Diesel Bomber
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 3,910
Likes: 335
From: Capo Beach, CA
Default

It condenses down to:

"Peter Gay, Raytheon Employee,
Still amongst many dead today".
 
  #10  
Old 07-06-2010 | 09:20 PM
J-Pipes's Avatar
Diesel Wrench
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 562
Likes: 34
From: Brownsville, Oh
Default

WTF
 



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:52 PM.