Uncle Ralph, (white trash "dear Abby")
#1
02-26-2010, 07:25 PM
Uncle Ralph, (white trash "dear Abby")
Dear Uncle Ralph,
I heard on the radio that some trailer trash chick had a couple of mice in her trailer so she shot herself. True?
Just a Wonderin....
Paul
Dear Paul,
Well, yeah. It's kinda true.
She didn't shoot herself because she hated mice. She shot her self because she was an idiot.
Here's the story, embellished for content:
A Potter Valley CA woman, we'll call her "Woman", saw a mouse running across her trailer living room floor. So she decides she's gonna get the little sucka, pulls a .44 magnum (you know, the Dirty Harry guy) from the belt of her sundress, raises it up with two hands, steadily so as not to drop the inch long ash of the cigarette hanging from her lips, with one eye squinted closed and the other taking aim over the sights of the gun, squeezed off three shots.
The first shot missed by 8 inches but close enough to send the little critter scurrying across the floor for cover. The hole in the floor went nice and clean all the way through to the ground below.
The second shot, taken while the mouse was running, missed by even a better margin, left a hole through the thread worn sofa, through the floor leaving a fairly large hole.
The third shot hit a leg of a coffee table, through the floor, hit a water pipe causing water to gush through the hole, hit one of the supporting cinder blocks holding the trailer up resulting in the trailer suddenly dropping toward that corner.
The sudden tilt of the trailer caused Woman to drop the heavy gun so she could catch herself. When the gun hit the floor it went off a fourth time. But this time the bullet went through her kneecap, hit the keychain hanging from Woman's boyfriend's (we'll call him "Dude" belt loop, grazed a part of Dude that should never be grazed by a bullet and then exited his change pocket. The bullet then continued on to put a hole in a brand new pony keg of PBR.
Neighbors heard the gun shots and four of them rushed over with their own guns to join the party.
When the cops finally arrived, all six individuals were taking turns trying to guzzle the gush of PBR from the keg so "It wouldn't be wasted".
Reports suggest the mouse lived to drink his share of the spilt PBR.
I heard on the radio that some trailer trash chick had a couple of mice in her trailer so she shot herself. True?
Just a Wonderin....
Paul
Dear Paul,
Well, yeah. It's kinda true.
She didn't shoot herself because she hated mice. She shot her self because she was an idiot.
Here's the story, embellished for content:
A Potter Valley CA woman, we'll call her "Woman", saw a mouse running across her trailer living room floor. So she decides she's gonna get the little sucka, pulls a .44 magnum (you know, the Dirty Harry guy) from the belt of her sundress, raises it up with two hands, steadily so as not to drop the inch long ash of the cigarette hanging from her lips, with one eye squinted closed and the other taking aim over the sights of the gun, squeezed off three shots.
The first shot missed by 8 inches but close enough to send the little critter scurrying across the floor for cover. The hole in the floor went nice and clean all the way through to the ground below.
The second shot, taken while the mouse was running, missed by even a better margin, left a hole through the thread worn sofa, through the floor leaving a fairly large hole.
The third shot hit a leg of a coffee table, through the floor, hit a water pipe causing water to gush through the hole, hit one of the supporting cinder blocks holding the trailer up resulting in the trailer suddenly dropping toward that corner.
The sudden tilt of the trailer caused Woman to drop the heavy gun so she could catch herself. When the gun hit the floor it went off a fourth time. But this time the bullet went through her kneecap, hit the keychain hanging from Woman's boyfriend's (we'll call him "Dude" belt loop, grazed a part of Dude that should never be grazed by a bullet and then exited his change pocket. The bullet then continued on to put a hole in a brand new pony keg of PBR.
Neighbors heard the gun shots and four of them rushed over with their own guns to join the party.
When the cops finally arrived, all six individuals were taking turns trying to guzzle the gush of PBR from the keg so "It wouldn't be wasted".
Reports suggest the mouse lived to drink his share of the spilt PBR.
#2
02-26-2010, 07:30 PM
