The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent
terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed"
to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit
Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody
Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance"
warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's
get the Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason
they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last
300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in
France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by
a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively
paralyzing the country's military capability. It's not only the French
who are on a heightened level of alert.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and
excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:
"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also
have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and
the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of
Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy.These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive
strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.

And in the southern hemisphere...

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to
"BAAAA!".Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the air force being a
squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some
toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more
level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue
us".

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No
worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels
remain: "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this
weekend" and "The barbie is canceled". So far no situation has ever
warranted use of the final escalation level.

 

ha, I just got this emailed to me at work today. Flippin' hilarious.

 

I like it, why waste time

The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards"
They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.