D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.


E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding
You of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they
Moved out.


ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers
Unconscious for up to two days.


P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed
Before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and
Prevents conception.


D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ


F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and
The urge to flip off other drivers.


M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such
Lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person."

 

N A G A M E N T
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same
Irritation level as nagging him.

 

After the day I've had, I needed a good laugh