Diesel Bombers - Church fun

A man returns home from church with a big black eye. His wife looks him over and says, "Good grief!... What happened to you?" He replies, "Well Hun, I was a sittin in the pew when we all stood up to sing. Mrs Johnson was in the pew in front of me and when she stood up her dress was stuck in her back side so I reached over and pulled in out for her, she didn't take to kindly to that. "Well lordy be... I hope you learned your lesson about touchin other people in church...
The next week he returns home with two black eyes, a chipped tooth, and a big welt on his left cheek. His wife asks, "What happened this time?" He says, "Well I was a sittin in the same pew as I was last week, and when we all stood to sing that same Mrs. Johnson stood up with her dress stuck in her back side again only this time Andy was a sittin beside me and he reached over to pull it out but I said NO!... she wants it there so I shoved it back in!"