If You Wanna Be Real Redneck
#1
04-18-2009, 05:00 PM
If You Wanna Be Real Redneck
Let's go a different then all others route here and give instructions to those lost souls that have some jacked up desire to be a real redneck.
Warning: This isn't a list for the yuppie Rednecks of today, this is for the old world good ole boys who were called Redneck before it was a good thing.
For your truck:
Sell your fancy truck and buy one at least 10 years old with 100,000 or more on the ticker.
Put monster tires on it but any paint left on it has to be scratched and dented.
Bailing wire has to hold all external parts on.
No mufflers allowed. Unless they are not connected to the motor and are wired up for looks.
Stickers cover all holes rusted through on the body.
There is a whole in the drivers side floor board big enough to spit your chew through and make it most of the time.
No CB antenna's mandatory, more are better.
A job:
Has to be seasonal at best and never dependable.
Must be outdoors in only the worst of weather. The worse the weather the more hours you work.
Can't have benefits. No paid days off, no health insurance, no 401k plans.
No dress codes cause you don't own any clothes that would meet any kind of dress codes.
Job must make allowances for deer, duck and turkey season and allow for gettin off early on good fishing days.
Your home:
Sell your suburban house and move into the old farm house at the end of the lane.
You can have window unit air conditioners but no more then one are allowed to work.
You can have heat but not enough to take the chill out of the air even at full blast.
When it snows the first thing you clear the snow off of is inside the house around the window sills and doors.
Your parts supply warehouse is your yard and barn.
Your personal issues:
The only water bottle your ever gonna be seen with make for handy spit cups.
Give up the English language, you talk American now.
Anyone caught in sandles, flip flops or anything else of the sort will be shot on site.
Boots will be stained with mud and animal droppings. This is your dress pair.
Cowboy hats are out, the yuppies have taken them over. Ball caps are it.
Now let's see what you can add to the list.
Warning: This isn't a list for the yuppie Rednecks of today, this is for the old world good ole boys who were called Redneck before it was a good thing.
For your truck:
Sell your fancy truck and buy one at least 10 years old with 100,000 or more on the ticker.
Put monster tires on it but any paint left on it has to be scratched and dented.
Bailing wire has to hold all external parts on.
No mufflers allowed. Unless they are not connected to the motor and are wired up for looks.
Stickers cover all holes rusted through on the body.
There is a whole in the drivers side floor board big enough to spit your chew through and make it most of the time.
No CB antenna's mandatory, more are better.
A job:
Has to be seasonal at best and never dependable.
Must be outdoors in only the worst of weather. The worse the weather the more hours you work.
Can't have benefits. No paid days off, no health insurance, no 401k plans.
No dress codes cause you don't own any clothes that would meet any kind of dress codes.
Job must make allowances for deer, duck and turkey season and allow for gettin off early on good fishing days.
Your home:
Sell your suburban house and move into the old farm house at the end of the lane.
You can have window unit air conditioners but no more then one are allowed to work.
You can have heat but not enough to take the chill out of the air even at full blast.
When it snows the first thing you clear the snow off of is inside the house around the window sills and doors.
Your parts supply warehouse is your yard and barn.
Your personal issues:
The only water bottle your ever gonna be seen with make for handy spit cups.
Give up the English language, you talk American now.
Anyone caught in sandles, flip flops or anything else of the sort will be shot on site.
Boots will be stained with mud and animal droppings. This is your dress pair.
Cowboy hats are out, the yuppies have taken them over. Ball caps are it.
Now let's see what you can add to the list.
#3
04-18-2009, 05:07 PM
Your pants will not come from the store with holes already in them, you have to earn/work for the worn out patches and holes in your clothes
Your ball cap will face forward, not sideways or backwards..unless of course your trying to run down an animal for food or just for fun then backwards is exceptable
Your ball cap will face forward, not sideways or backwards..unless of course your trying to run down an animal for food or just for fun then backwards is exceptable
#4
04-18-2009, 05:10 PM
Banned
#6
04-18-2009, 09:05 PM
Diesel Enthusiast
you know its sad when most of your current stuff fits that.... my old 93 dodge was pretty much that way with out the tires... my jobs that exact way with out the beeing naked part just with out a shirt... our house is that way and the water bottle thing is true to... but im still in highschool so i dont really know bout the older rednecks but apprently i would fit right in .. dip snuff too 
Last edited by 1999 Sport Cummins; 04-18-2009 at 09:08 PM.
#7
04-19-2009, 04:23 AM
Let's go a different then all others route here and give instructions to those lost souls that have some jacked up desire to be a real redneck.
Warning: This isn't a list for the yuppie Rednecks of today, this is for the old world good ole boys who were called Redneck before it was a good thing.
For your truck:
Sell your fancy truck and buy one at least 10 years old with 100,000 or more on the ticker.
covered
Put monster tires on it but any paint left on it has to be scratched and dented.
covered
Bailing wire has to hold all external parts on.
covered
No mufflers allowed. Unless they are not connected to the motor and are wired up for looks.
covered
Stickers cover all holes rusted through on the body.
covered
There is a whole in the drivers side floor board big enough to spit your chew through and make it most of the time.
covered
No CB antenna's mandatory, more are better.
covered
A job:
Has to be seasonal at best and never dependable.
covered
Must be outdoors in only the worst of weather. The worse the weather the more hours you work.
covered
Can't have benefits. No paid days off, no health insurance, no 401k plans.
covered
No dress codes cause you don't own any clothes that would meet any kind of dress codes.
covered
Job must make allowances for deer, duck and turkey season and allow for gettin off early on good fishing days.
covered
Your home:
Sell your suburban house and move into the old farm house at the end of the lane.
covered
You can have window unit air conditioners but no more then one are allowed to work.
covered
You can have heat but not enough to take the chill out of the air even at full blast.
covered
When it snows the first thing you clear the snow off of is inside the house around the window sills and doors.
covered
Your parts supply warehouse is your yard and barn.
covered
Your personal issues:
The only water bottle your ever gonna be seen with make for handy spit cups.
covered
Give up the English language, you talk American now.
covered
Anyone caught in sandles, flip flops or anything else of the sort will be shot on site.
covered
Boots will be stained with mud and animal droppings. This is your dress pair.
covered
Cowboy hats are out, the yuppies have taken them over. Ball caps are it.
covered
Now let's see what you can add to the list.
Warning: This isn't a list for the yuppie Rednecks of today, this is for the old world good ole boys who were called Redneck before it was a good thing.
For your truck:
Sell your fancy truck and buy one at least 10 years old with 100,000 or more on the ticker.
covered
Put monster tires on it but any paint left on it has to be scratched and dented.
covered
Bailing wire has to hold all external parts on.
covered
No mufflers allowed. Unless they are not connected to the motor and are wired up for looks.
covered
Stickers cover all holes rusted through on the body.
covered
There is a whole in the drivers side floor board big enough to spit your chew through and make it most of the time.
covered
No CB antenna's mandatory, more are better.
covered
A job:
Has to be seasonal at best and never dependable.
covered
Must be outdoors in only the worst of weather. The worse the weather the more hours you work.
covered
Can't have benefits. No paid days off, no health insurance, no 401k plans.
covered
No dress codes cause you don't own any clothes that would meet any kind of dress codes.
covered
Job must make allowances for deer, duck and turkey season and allow for gettin off early on good fishing days.
covered
Your home:
Sell your suburban house and move into the old farm house at the end of the lane.
covered
You can have window unit air conditioners but no more then one are allowed to work.
covered
You can have heat but not enough to take the chill out of the air even at full blast.
covered
When it snows the first thing you clear the snow off of is inside the house around the window sills and doors.
covered
Your parts supply warehouse is your yard and barn.
covered
Your personal issues:
The only water bottle your ever gonna be seen with make for handy spit cups.
covered
Give up the English language, you talk American now.
covered
Anyone caught in sandles, flip flops or anything else of the sort will be shot on site.
covered
Boots will be stained with mud and animal droppings. This is your dress pair.
covered
Cowboy hats are out, the yuppies have taken them over. Ball caps are it.
covered
Now let's see what you can add to the list.
grew up in a farm house built in the 1870's......summer i slept on the couch cause the upstairs was too hot.......winter you had to sleep upstairs cause the living room was somewhere around 40-50 in the mornings......had a wood stove to heat the house......my house was down a 1300 foot driveway......was told i had to leave class in high school cause the OUTSIDE of my boots smelled too bad, covered in mud and animal feces......ive shot at deer in my front yard.......had a 78 f150 that had stock suspension and 40 inch tires.......had another 79 that your feet would get wet in when you drove it in the rain.......ive had approximately ten 70's style fords, only 4 ran and 2 were street legal.......and i own pretty much every trucker, racing, and car movie made........and know all the lines......
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