There is a small hole in the pressure regulating valve that will allow fuel to escape all the time.

Yep, it won't hold pressure at all with pump off.

so do you think maybe the ecm is messed up and needs recalibrating to cause the lift pump to run every time the key is turned on instead of a 5-10 sec delay when the engine is warm? Im grasping at straws now, this thing has driven me crazy! :dang: :argh:

I seriously doubt that will help. In some cases systems were devised to prevent aftermarket pumps from running right off. The vp doesn't actually pressure right on start up. Not to mention it will start with 0 lbs on trucks with failed pusher pumps. If you can't isolate some type of drain back or loss of prime the next item would be the vp44.