If I hadn't known better I would have thought someone took all my thoughts and wrote this


Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler

December 8 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So
romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had!
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got
to shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry -- we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much
snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This isthe life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska , after all.
December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my a$$ on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own livingroom.

December 20
Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplow came by twice.
tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have
another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white **** fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, peed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the ******* is lying.

December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!!
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a ***** who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his ***** and
beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just
been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.


December 25
Merry f---ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight - Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate
the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation
and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea.
She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The WITCH is driving me crazy!!!

December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ***. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.

December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
__________________ -

Jazz's Sig:

2001 Black Auto 4x4 dually 4in exhaust~Quad Adrenaline from DieselDawgs Performance 200 hp sticks~ SMARTY~ USB Bell Turbo~Fass fuel pump~ Full Suncoast tranny

**I Just Gotta Dance**

I feel the same way about the snow but we are just a little over 70 inches so far. -

Hummin Cummins's Sig:

2006 blk 3500DRW, Smarty,TST,Dynatrac free spin, Pac Brake,South Bend DD3600, Firestone airbags, Transfer Flow toolbox/50 fuel tank combo
Rollin on 6 aluminum Freightliner style 22.5's
ATS 3000/5000 twins, ARP Studs.

I usually don't make it past the second week of December... -

Johnny Cetane's Sig:

Three Time Survivor Of Excrement Creek

I have only seen snow 3 times in my 44 years of life, and all 3 times I was just on vacation !!! It has never snowed at my house !! -

gunman41mag's Sig:

MEMBER- BLOWIN' SMOKE GANG
2008 F250 6.4PSD SUPERCAB LONG-BED 2WD
2007 ARCTIC CAT 400 4X4 FIS

I laughed so hard I had to hold my sides, all the while my eyes watering!!!! -

sunsetsky's Sig:

Aussies are Saucey...



http://www.blackclouddiesel.com/
715-824-5051

HAHAHAHA that's too dang funny right there!!!! I don't mind the stuff but come to think of it I never shoveled my driveway. That's why I have 4X4 We don't get much more than 3 feet on the ground where I live, I think the wind wears it out, but it's there till April/May. -

Captain Call's Sig:

IT SHAKES RATTLES AND ROLLS

hahaha im glad we have skid steers -

power95's Sig:

2004.5 CHEVROLET 2500HD
4 DOOR-LONGBOX
6.6L LLY DURAMAX
TO MUCH TO LIST

This is friggin' hilarious! So glad I live in southern Arizona so I never experience the thrill of shoveling snow -

dieselartist's Sig:

ACDC
Delilah: 2000 Ram2500 Sport 4x4, GDP Walbro, Commander, XZT+, Amsoil intake, 244hp 478tq
Boys are like malfunction indicator lights
Diesel's only addicting if you inhale

Honestly, What is this SNOW you speak of? My DB Toolbar has partly cloudy and 74 degrees... Do you think there is a chance I might experience this "snow" Phenomenon?

Golly, I sure hope not!

-

wildcat's Sig:

Bill Mish
2007 Dodge 3500 4X4/5.9L/48RE, KORE, SRT-10 hood, Recon, Isspro, ICEBOX/Amsoil, Walbro, SMARTY, CFM+, HGD, 5" exhaust. TC & VB 458hp/1005tq 14.3 @94 MPH
ACDC

Count your blessings! They are predicting more snow here in the next day or two.
I didn't wait around to hear the details... ! -

JAZZ........Your story is flawed....It only takes two weeks for that scenario to unfold, not a month. This is Wisconsin. -

Diesel Powered Rocket's Sig:

2004 F350 4 X 4 Extended Cab 6.0, 2.5" Leveling Kit
SCT X3 Extreme Tunes by Eric @ (ID), Banks Air Intake, CFM+ Intake Elbow
ARP studs, Banks 4" Exhaust from The Turbo Back, No Kitty....Offroad use only
Isspro Gauges/above mirror gauge pod, Turbo Boost/Exhaust Temp/Trans.Temp, Isspro TTM
NRA Life Member/NRA Cert. Personal Protection Pistol Instructor & Class III RSO

-

Isn't that the truth. -

its been below freezing once already ball the snow we have gotten so far were just flurries. man i want to try my truck out in snow -

biged681985's Sig:

1999 dodge 2500
bombs: 12 valve with alot of bugs.

Drive up here to Wisconsin, you can test your truck in the snow until April
You can also see how it starts in single digit temperatures. -